People that are outgoing and playful always have it easier when it comes to having sex with someone for the first time. Their bubbly personality removes any tensions from awkward first-time dates and is highly contagious, making it easy for all parties involved.
However, what about people with a shy personality? How can they overcome their inhibitions and get hot in the sheets without drowning in anxiety? The idea of getting naked with someone for the first time can be quite stressful for a lot of us, especially shy introverts. The pressure of performing is a very normal thing, both for women and men.
On top of that, if you were in a relationship for an extended period of time and are just getting back into the dating game, getting used to having sex with a new person can be a nerve-racking process. That being said, there are ways to control the overwhelming emotions, compensate for the lack of familiarity, and overcome performance anxiety with a new partner. Here are our 9 tips for making sex with someone new amazing.
1. Don’t Be Shy About Sharing Your Thoughts and Fears With Your New Partner
As we mentioned above, it’s totally okay to feel anxious about sleeping with someone new in your life for the first time. However, keeping it to yourself will just make matters worse and will likely be a mood killer for both of you. Instead, you should talk to your new partner and explain what you are going through. If you’re seeing someone reasonable, they will totally understand you and offer their support.
This is also an effective way to find out if your new love interest is a sympathetic and patient person or if he’s a self-absorbed narcissist that you really don’t need in your life. Learning how to open up and be vulnerable with someone you’re just getting to know is far from an easy thing to do. Nonetheless, it will help you immensely in relaxing and overcoming the awkwardness.
You can also choose to have the pre-sex convo via texting. Discussing your worries over texts can alleviate some of the added anxiety produced by doing it in person. Whichever way you choose to do it, the most important part is that you do it before actually getting into the bedroom.
2. Find an Activity That Relaxes You
Girls, are you nervous about sleeping with a new guy? Then look into ways of alleviating some of that anxiety by participating in relaxing activities such as going for a walk, doing some yoga, or hitting the gym. It doesn’t even have to be some generic, stress-relieving activity.
Are you an avid runner? Go for a jog. Do you enjoy swimming? Visit the nearest pool. Do whatever makes you relax and feel good and try and get rid of some of that anxiety before meeting up with your new love interest. Physical activity is one of the best options as it does the job for most people.
As we said, anxiety-producing thoughts can really get the best of you, sex-related or not. That’s why it’s important to take a deep breath and focus on happy thoughts while you’re sweating some of that stress away.
3. Don’t Do It Just for the Sake of Doing It
This next tip applies to guys that want to have sex just for the sake of having sex. If you’re not attracted to the person you’re trying to sleep with, chances are it’s going to be a lackluster night for the both of you.
One of the things that rarely comes to mind when talking about how to be confident in bed with a new partner is enthusiasm. It doesn’t matter how relaxed you are nor how confident you are in your skills in the sheets, as long as you’re lacking the enthusiasm, chances are your performance will be forgettable. However, if you’re truly attracted to the person you’re thinking about sleeping with, you’re bound to bring your A-game.
Sure, that hot girl you’ve been trying to ask out for weeks might make you nervous, but think of it more as eager anticipation, rather than looking at it as a negative thing.
4. Never Underestimate the Power of Foreplay
An important thing to remind yourself is that sex with a new partner should never be rushed. Never ever skip on foreplay with someone you are trying to get to know. Making out is especially crucial in connecting with your new partner and building intimacy. If you’re not sure where to start, go in for the kiss, and things are bound to develop from there.
Also, explore each other’s bodies using your fingers and your tongue. There are a lot of parts of the body that can be stimulated as long as you touch it the right way. Make it a fun exploratory adventure, that’s the best way to figure out what your new partner likes, but it’s also effective in making you more comfortable with each other
5. Leave All Expectations at the Door
Easier said than done, right? Being nervous about having sex for the first time with a new guy mostly comes from the expectations you set for yourself. This again ties to the pressure of performing we mentioned a while ago.
Remind yourself that this is your first time together; hence expectations shouldn’t be set high. Instead, try to have fun and focus on getting to know each other’s needs and desires. Talk, laugh, and just generally have a good time. Forget about climaxing and focus on building intimacy. If you manage to do this, you’ll both enjoy a hugely fulfilling experience
6. Don’t Forget to Bring Protection
While we’re sure that reminding you of the importance of using protection is not necessary, it’s worthwhile saying that you shouldn’t expect your partner to have it ready instead of you. Taking the initiative and bringing your own protection instead shows you’re a responsible adult and that you care about the wellbeing of the both of you. It’s also not a taboo talking about STIs.
Make sure to ask your new partner when was the last time he or she was tested for STIs. By doing so, you’ll get a better impression of whether or not the person you’re dating is responsible and takes care of himself.
7. Wear Something That Makes You Feel Good
This especially applies to all you girls who are saving that sexy pair of lingerie for a special occasion. Wearing something that makes you feel good and confident will definitely alleviate some of the stress associated with having sex with a new person
8. Bring an Extra Pair of Clothes and Other Essentials
Speaking of lingerie, it doesn’t hurt to bring an extra pair just in case. You’ll probably want to take a shower after the performance. If you’re sleeping over, having your own toothbrush with you shows that you prioritize good oral hygiene.
Having a small bottle of mouthwash with you at all times doesn’t hurt either. We mentioned the importance of kissing when trying to build intimacy with someone new. Giving your mouth a quick rinse will make you feel much more comfortable in making the first move. Also, it’s a quick way to get rid of nasty morning breath.
9. Keep It Simple
Overthinking your first time with someone new is the worst thing you can do for yourself and only leads to more frustration. Instead, try to put yourself in an adventurous state of mind. Think of it this way – you’re about to have sex with someone you find attractive and really like as a person. That’s supposed to be exciting and fun. It’s a new chapter in your life and a potentially fresh and satisfying experience.
If you’re in doubt, stick to what you feel comfortable with. There’s no need to fulfill every single fantasy you or your partner had in mind. Sex is not a race, it’s not even a marathon. It’s a beautiful act of two people taking pleasure in each other, hence why it should never be about anxiety or stress. On the contrary, it should be the exact opposite.
Follow these 9 tips, and we guarantee that sex with a new partner won’t be as near as frustrating as it used to be. Speaking of having sex and meeting new people, there’s a lot of opportunities to be found in the world of online dating. That being said, you need to find the right platform that allows you to meet people with similar interests and desires.
If you liked this article, there’s a lot more to learn by heading over to our blog section. Also, make sure to check out what Baeby is all about and how easy it is to find someone special in your neighborhood.